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Updated: Dec 3, 2021

What exactly is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional intelligence is the ability for you to understand and control your own emotions and then be able to be aware of and be able to interact with the emotions of other people. The term emotional intelligence was created by researchers Peter Salavoy and John Mayer. It was then made popular to the masses in the mid 90’s by a book called Emotional Intelligence written by Daniel Goleman. Many people believed that intelligence, or IQ, was what determined success. However, researchers were perplexed when studies found that people with average IQ’s outperformed those with a higher IQ 70% of the time. Finally, after decades of research, researchers found that emotional intelligence, referred to as EQ, was the missing link—the critical factor in determining a person’s long-term success.

When looking at emotional intelligence, it’s really looking at understanding that your perception is going to be completely different than the perception of someone else’s perception. Because we all carry different experiences, come from different backgrounds and process our emotions uniquely to our own selves; therefore, you have to hold an awareness that others will be different than you and that’s ok. Emotional intelligence can be learned at any stage of your life. In fact, many people don’t even know they rank low in emotional intelligence. Because they are smart or they are high achievers doesn’t mean they rank high in emotional intelligence.

So what’s the difference between High Emotional Intelligence and Low Emotional Intelligence? Someone with high emotional intelligence thinks about feelings and how they influence thoughts, words and actions. They are not impulsive or quick to jump to conclusions, they control how they react, learn from their mistakes and give grace, apologizes, forgives and forgets, demonstrate humility, practices honesty, shows empathy and leads with their authentic selves. High Emotional Intelligence can also be seen in someone that looks for the good in other people, delivers constructive criticism, keeps their commitments, willing to help others, embraces diversity, recognizes the power of emotions and protects themselves from emotional manipulation, in other words, not to be taken advantage of.

This may sound like a lot to be considered highly emotionally intelligent, but it’s not if you are practicing self-awareness, which is the ability to read your own emotions and recognize their impact. Utilizing self-management, which involves displaying honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, being able to keep disruptive emotions under control and being adaptable and flexible recognizing and seizing opportunities as they arrive. Having social awareness is being able to sense other people’s emotions, understanding their unique perspectives and learning to take an active interest in things they are concerned about. Finally, incorporating relationship management through teamwork and collaboration, being an inspirational leader and learning how to resolve disagreements.

If you are having trouble picturing yourself with any of the above characteristics or if a lightbulb went off and you can see that you are lacking in high emotional intelligence, it’s time to do the work! Unfortunately, there are way too many people walking around with low emotional intelligence. We see this in emotional outbursts, their inability to listen to others, they are argumentative, blame others and believe that others are overly sensitive because the person with low emotional intelligence can’t understand how others feel. These people tend to have difficulty maintaining friendships and other relationships and most damaging, they refuse to see other’s points of view.

That brings me back to say it’s never too late to learn how to become HIGHLY EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT!

How do you know if you have High or Low Emotional Intelligence? There are numerous free and paid tests that you can take to rank your emotional intelligence. Visit: to take the Emotionally Intelligent Quiz. When you’re ready, creating a safe space for yourself and for others to have difficult conversations and discuss emotional intelligence can bring about positive change. The benefits outweigh the negatives. Studies have demonstrated that emotional intelligence has a major impact on the creation of more rewarding, collaborative, and satisfying workplace relationships and personal relationships. Understanding your emotional intelligence builds self-awareness and emotional management, collaboration, communication skills, conflict resolution and teaches empathy and cooperation.

As a Certified Master Mindset Life Coach in Emotional Intelligence, I am ready and willing to help you find your High Emotional Intelligence! Contact me today at and don't forget to visit, and! For more fun follow me on social media @DRTARAREED #drtarareed #onepearlmovement #readyfornlc #emotionalintelligence

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